Cali
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Cali, Colombia. The place where I was very tempted to turn into a lesbian. But I wrote a blog instead.
I am not sure if I insult entire population groups if I state that both men and women in Bolivia, Peru and Ecuador are (to me) not the most attractive ones imaginable. I probably do. But well, it´s just a personal observation, I am sure there are many exceptions (I just didn’t find them yet). From the first second I entered the gate where my flight to Colombia took off I realized I entered a whole new universe, a country-shaped Playboy Mansion. I gaped at the voluptuous well-maintained women, one by one absolutely gorgeous and their minimal clothing barely covering their prominent curves. I stared at the mediocre men at their sides and felt tempted to point out that nowhere else in the world they could date up like that.
I am not sure if I insult entire population groups if I state that both men and women in Bolivia, Peru and Ecuador are (to me) not the most attractive ones imaginable. I probably do. But well, it´s just a personal observation, I am sure there are many exceptions (I just didn’t find them yet). From the first second I entered the gate where my flight to Colombia took off I realized I entered a whole new universe, a country-shaped Playboy Mansion. I gaped at the voluptuous well-maintained women, one by one absolutely gorgeous and their minimal clothing barely covering their prominent curves. I stared at the mediocre men at their sides and felt tempted to point out that nowhere else in the world they could date up like that.
Because Colombia contains a higher percentage of females, the competition is fierce. Call it superficial, but appearance is the #1 priority for young women, and they take it a bit further than the average insecure teenager.
It is completely acceptable to give your daughter a boobjob for her 18th birthday, although the ass-jobs are more popular.
Yes, you read it correctly, I said an ass-job. I remember my shopping-trips with my girlfriends, in which we insecurely informed if our butts didn’t look too big in the selected pants, standing in positions to make it look smaller. Welcome to Colombia, the place where a tiny tushy equals misery. And if Dios mío didn’t bless you with a prominent backside you can help nature a bit by putting in some implants. Or squirting your belly-fat into your ass, easy enough.
It is completely acceptable to give your daughter a boobjob for her 18th birthday, although the ass-jobs are more popular.
Yes, you read it correctly, I said an ass-job. I remember my shopping-trips with my girlfriends, in which we insecurely informed if our butts didn’t look too big in the selected pants, standing in positions to make it look smaller. Welcome to Colombia, the place where a tiny tushy equals misery. And if Dios mío didn’t bless you with a prominent backside you can help nature a bit by putting in some implants. Or squirting your belly-fat into your ass, easy enough.
While staring at this high amount of plastic butts, who seemed to operate as a whole different entity than the rest of the body, I was awakened out of my thoughts by a Dutch voice that screamed my name. In a Brabants accent even! I was picked up by Lucia and Nico, one half of the Dutch-Colombian family who invited me to spend Christmas with them. Mi casa es tu casa in Colombia.
In the car I experienced a reversed culture-shock: paved roads, acceptable-looking cars, shopping malls, western clothing… wow, modernisation! It has been a while since I saw that. After a history of drug cartels, Mafioso and the FARC Colombia is obviously crawling up.
In the car I experienced a reversed culture-shock: paved roads, acceptable-looking cars, shopping malls, western clothing… wow, modernisation! It has been a while since I saw that. After a history of drug cartels, Mafioso and the FARC Colombia is obviously crawling up.
I don’t suggest that it is all gone, but the modern wave that engulfed the country as well as the impressive visible police force accomplishes a sense of security and progress. And man, are they proud of it. No other people on the continent are so happy to receive you as a tourist in their beautiful country. Because finally they can. So when I arrived at grandma’s house at Christmas night everyone overwhelmed me with many questions of which part of Colombia I like best so far, hope sparkling in their eyes.
Well, in the first place: the people, because they are one amazing bunch. Their warm personalities especially show during festivities, which have no comparison with anything I am used to. Instead of conservative black dresses and suits, they attend the Christmas celebrations in tight, provocative clothes emphasizing their curves, in all colours of the rainbow. Don’t expect an awkward family dinner followed by Christmas Mass… After an impressive pile of deep-fried fast-food the loud family is energized to do what’s in their blood: dancing salsa, in the middle of the living room, no matter the age group. One minute before midnight everyone started counting the seconds, after which the kissing started to wish everyone a ‘Merry Christmas’. Yes, just like New Years’. The family then formed a circle holding each others’ hands and prayed.
The Christmas ceremony ends with a ‘Happy Birthday’ song. For who? For Jesus, off course.
The Christmas ceremony ends with a ‘Happy Birthday’ song. For who? For Jesus, off course.
Cali is famous for its Christmas Feria, a massive festival which heartbeat pulses in every vain of the city. The highlight is apparently the huge salsa parade, that used to be public, but they recently closed it off to earn some serious cash with the ticket sale. Fair enough, but it would be nice if you can actually buy those entrances somewhere then. As bribery is a thing here we tried to buy ourselves in illegally… in vain. Good for you Colombia, corruption breakdown, but too bad for us.
During our attempts to get in I did enjoy myself admiring the vibrant party crowd and the enormous asses bouncing on the up-tempo beat. Everything swings in Colombia, it´s impossible to stand still. In the end we decided to go to some beer & dance festival, where 6 cans of booze where included in the $2-entrance price. Not a bad deal.
During our attempts to get in I did enjoy myself admiring the vibrant party crowd and the enormous asses bouncing on the up-tempo beat. Everything swings in Colombia, it´s impossible to stand still. In the end we decided to go to some beer & dance festival, where 6 cans of booze where included in the $2-entrance price. Not a bad deal.
Normally I hope for a white Christmas [enter cocaine-joke here]. Not this year, as I rather turned my pale skin in a sun-kissed one. So on the first day of Christmas we headed to a luxurious waterpark just outside Cali with seven swimming pools and an indefinite pick of slides. So when my friends back in Holland had to drive carefully to their family dinners on the slippery icy roads, I was roasting horizontally while deciding which adrenaline-approved slide to take next. No complaints from my side. To help our asses grow in an acceptable pace we lunched with a pile of deep-fried empanadas, 100% sugar drinks, fat-dripping chorizos and to top it off: chicharon, crunchy deep-fried pieces of fat [... and you wonder why I turned out vegan later?]. When I woke up I saw 3 white-topped pimples decorating my forehead. I am 27 years old and never had one single pimple in my life, but Colombia’s food got the job done in two lousy days.
On the second day of Christmas [which I learned later on is a purely Dutch concept that means nothing in The Americas], we drove up to the Cristo Rey (as armed gangs make it too dangerous to walk). This Rio-style Christ statue is nice in itself, but the view from its location is the #1 attraction. You don’t realise how incredibly huge Cali is until you have this overlooking view.
I wouldn’t expect that I would enjoy the touristy artesania market where we went next, but I was wrong. A huge group of beautiful indigenous people danced ecstatically on Andino music, which I appeared to love. Obviously I couldn’t resist the serious amount of earrings on display… Andrea, a family member, gave me some as a gift, as she wanted me to remember her and Cali when looking at something beautiful.
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The bohemian area in which this crafts market is located made such a positive impression on me that I decided to move to a hostel there. Although staying with a Colombian family is amazing, if you feel that there are some internal family issues to solve where you have nothing to do with, it is wise to take a distance. In the hostel I caught up with the Scottish Adam, who I met before in Ecuador. He took me out with his local friends Edgar & Co to dance the salsa and bachata at some huge festival. We paid the few Euros entrance fee and again received a plastic bag with six cans of beers to keep ourselves entertained. Where in my home country people cross their arms and watch the bands do their thing, here the crowd brings the concept of ‘going nuts’ to a whole new degree. Just watching that was worth coming. However, it was still reggaeton what they were playing and no death metal, so my saturation point was reached quickly and at around 2AM I headed back ‘home’.
I woke up just in time to catch the 3-hour carnaval parade that marched through the streets the day after. Although I didn’t have tickets, I managed to get some free sights from the street corner. Where I come from we celebrate carnaval as well, dressed up with fur coats, curtains and a lot of liquor to warm us up in the blistering cold. Clothing is not really necessary in the 40 degrees of Cali, and usually frozen beer is used to cool down from the fast-paced dancing. I felt blessed seeing something as incredible like this, and instantly motivated to dance as long as my energy allowed me to. Pumped up for the the pulsing Cali nightlife! Although it was a Sunday, the clubs were absolutely crowded and combined with the tropical temperature it was one sweaty, physical affair. Everything breathes sex in Colombia.
I woke up just in time to catch the 3-hour carnaval parade that marched through the streets the day after. Although I didn’t have tickets, I managed to get some free sights from the street corner. Where I come from we celebrate carnaval as well, dressed up with fur coats, curtains and a lot of liquor to warm us up in the blistering cold. Clothing is not really necessary in the 40 degrees of Cali, and usually frozen beer is used to cool down from the fast-paced dancing. I felt blessed seeing something as incredible like this, and instantly motivated to dance as long as my energy allowed me to. Pumped up for the the pulsing Cali nightlife! Although it was a Sunday, the clubs were absolutely crowded and combined with the tropical temperature it was one sweaty, physical affair. Everything breathes sex in Colombia.
As I danced until closing time I needed the full day to recover from that. Determined to have an early night I started brushing my teeth at 8PM… in vain! I’m in Cali, a discotheque that took on a city shape. Five minutes after a group of hostel-people invited me to a salsa festival. Well, I am in the salsa capital of the world, it would be a crime to ignore an offer like that. So there I went, again.
After yet another late night I opted for a morning-long siesta, as it just too hot to do anything during Cali-daytime. At some point my restless mind forced me to do some museum-hopping anyway, and while sweat poured down my body I walked to the free Museo Tortulia. Modern art, that’s my cocaine. All of the pieces in this amazing museum were perfectly weird and not comparable with any art I’ve seen before. Especially the work of Hernando Tejada made a huge impression, I would fill up my house with his work if I had money. Or a house.
Next was the Caliwood Museum, all about cinema and its history. This wasn’t really in my alley and I had to work hard to keep on paying attention to the technical stories of the passionate owner, but these overfriendly people made it worth coming. Like 99% of the people I met they couldn’t believe I have been travelling South America all alone and provided me with a lot of paperwork full of advice to keep me safe in this beautiful but also dangerous city.
The same what Juan said, the local I met up with that night, who never ever walked around by himself after sunset and with big brown eyes made me promise I wouldn’t do that either. Together with his friends who treated me as ‘their special guest’ we drove to his enormous penthouse with endless midnight look-outs over the entire city and drank the night away with some burning hot Colombian liquor: agua ardiente. I don’t know why, but for some reason I always end up in amazing situations like this. Just following my heart.
I had decided to head home early that night. I did, just not early in the evening… 5AM it was.
I had decided to head home early that night. I did, just not early in the evening… 5AM it was.
The night to follow was New Years Eve, which as well had an unavoidable party obligation. So during the day I tried to sleep a bit in front of the fan before I took a cab to meet Heral, the British travel friend I keep on running into. We had a communal festive dinner with a big bunch of backpackers and drank until the count-down started. As fireworks are forbidden in Cali after some fatal accidents the previous years, we had to create some fire of our own when exuberantly dancing our way into 2015. We well succeeded in that. When the lights went on in the club at 7AM I couldn’t believe both the amazing year of 2014 as well as my time in Cali were over.
Time to make new memories in 2015. Be prepared.
Time to make new memories in 2015. Be prepared.
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Some memories I made in 2015:
Go to the Colombia Page
... Belize Page
... Costa Rica Page
... El Salvador Page
... Honduras Page
... Nicaragua Page
... Panama Page
... Guatemala Page
- Dancing tango in Buenos Aires, Argentina
- Learning the Chacarera in Cafayate, Argentina
- Carnaval in Barranquilla, Colombia
- Carnaval in Encarnación, Paraguay
- Carnaval in Merida, Mexico
- Traditional folk dancing in San Cristobal de las Casas, Mexico
- Traditional celebrations in Humahuaca, Argentina
- Traditional celebrations in León, Nicaragua
- Puno Day in Peru
Go to the Colombia Page
... Belize Page
... Costa Rica Page
... El Salvador Page
... Honduras Page
... Nicaragua Page
... Panama Page
... Guatemala Page
- Dancing tango in Buenos Aires, Argentina
- Learning the Chacarera in Cafayate, Argentina
- Carnaval in Barranquilla, Colombia
- Carnaval in Encarnación, Paraguay
- Carnaval in Merida, Mexico
- Traditional folk dancing in San Cristobal de las Casas, Mexico
- Traditional celebrations in Humahuaca, Argentina
- Traditional celebrations in León, Nicaragua
- Puno Day in Peru